Over the last few weeks, it has come to my attention that several people think I didn’t write Hamlet. They would tell you to read “scholarly writings about Hamlet,” or “internet search results,” or “the front cover of any actual copy of Hamlet” to prove their point. They would have you “use your common sense” and ask you to remember “basic historical knowledge taught to literally everyone.” And sure, the gullible among us may find these arguments to be persuasive. But let’s look at the facts here. There have been at least twenty posts on this website alone claiming that I myself wrote Hamlet. I have expressed an intimate knowledge of the writing process that I could only possess had I lived through the experience. And there are things about Hamlet that nobody knows but me (for example, did you know that, although it’s never mentioned in the play, Hamlet has a golden retriever named Rascal?). Listen, at the end of the day, you can’t really trust anybody about anything, so it’s your responsibility to go with the most entertaining version of the facts. Right?
"Internet search results." That's the clue that you are dealing with armchair scholars who blindly perpetuate the narrative of Big Internet, while ignoring your Science-Based Evidence. The Shakespearist Sheeple will regret that they ignored the true Kellenistic origins of Hamlet. Fight the good fight! Truth shall prevail!